Blood Gets Stepped

I think I'm living in some kind of parallel universe where ex's and steps rate higher than blood. As each day passes things become more bizarre and speaking out against any of this just brings on more hardships. I feel like I have to talk in shades of gray to protect those caught in the cross-fire. For too many years now I have been the victim of some pretty outrageous lies. When I try to defend myself in the only forum I have, I hear third hand threats against me. My words touch many a raw nerve. But ask yourself, why are these nerves raw in the first place?

I'm tired of my words being used to hurt my daughter. I'm tired of living with the fear of anything I say will jeopardize my daughter's well being. I'm tired of her having to bite her tongue and make nice in situations that are not. My heart aches each time she tells me that she has been crying herself to sleep again. I'm tired of those who are supposed to be family taking the side against me - it only winds up hurting my daughter. I'm tired of being made out to be the evil one and I'm damn tired of my ex being made out to be the saint that can do no wrong. Granted, I am no angel but let ye who is without sin cast the first stone.

Where was anyone when I needed help? Listening to more lies about me? Sorry, I don't have enough money to buy my way in. The lies hurt me financially, it prevented me from buying a house when I first wanted to - it almost prevented me from even renting an apartment. I still have to suffer the anguish of bankruptcy for years to come because of the lies.

Did I ever tell you the lie about my credit cards being stolen? June 1997 someone - it might have even been my own blood - reported my credit cards stolen - which of course rendered the card I was trying to live on useless. Even worse, the person who reported them stolen, gave a name of whom they thought has stolen them. Want to know that name? Ask me.

And I'm tired of being told to let it go - why should I? No one else is. At least my sister has been able to see for herself what I have been saying all along. That gets held against her because it makes her "on my side."

So I continue to live in fear of anything I say might be held against my daughter. She lives in tears because she just wants everybody to get along.

My husband and I are ready to pack up and move to Montana. I think we should take my sister and her husband with us.